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Sex After 40 – Hot or Not?

hi there! we are abbie & tonya, best friends in the business of inspiring, motivating and lifting women up


health & wellness




For some women in midlife, sex can be a little bit worrisome and complicated.

And we can’t blame them! Our generation is more sheltered and reserved compared to the generations that follow. We seldom talked about sex at all – the feel and the struggles – that we keep everything to ourselves to the point that we end up in misery.

Today, we will tackle one of the most sensitive topics for women over 40 and how we go about it.

Listen to Your Body

Our body changes pretty dramatically, and sometimes drastically, during midlife. One minute you’re hot, and the next minute you’re not. These changes affect your sex life more than you want to admit, and they can make sex less pleasant and even painful. So, it’s essential to acknowledge and accept all these changes and seek help, if needed, as your body may need a different stimulation than before or a medication.

Communicate with Your Partner

You know what they say, it takes two to tango. And although it may already feel embarrassing with just the thought of talking about sex, it’s as important as listening to your body. Have an honest dialogue with your man and tell him what you’re going through, the changes in your body, your needs, and your wants.

Articulate if there is anything you want to explore and try, but also respect each other’s boundaries and views on matters. And if you want to be more adventurous in bed, be gentle as you go outside your box, try introducing the idea first, and take baby steps towards it.

Self-confidence is the Key

The way we see ourselves has a huge impact on how we live our lives, but did you know that it greatly affects our lovemaking, as well? If you are insecure with the few pounds you have gained or the marks you have gotten, it will surely show in your actions. If you are fretting about how your partner sees your naked body, then he will definitely feel your awkwardness. Learn to be comfortable with all your physical changes and be confident in your skin. No matter your body size or body shape, you are beautiful.

Spice Up Your Life

Keep the fire burning. Just because you have been together for so many years, you will just let your relationship go stale. Keep going on dates, keep surprising each other, and be as intimate and passionate, or much more as before.

Sex is fabulous in your 20s, but remember that it still going to be great and even better at midlife.


Hear more stories of women who’ve embraced change after 40 and more when you subscribe to the Gurl U R Not Alone podcast!