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Steps to Consider Before Getting Back into Dating

hi there! we are abbie & tonya, best friends in the business of inspiring, motivating and lifting women up


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As much as we want our relationship to last, sometimes the Universe just has another path for us. So, after being married for 30 years or being together with someone for more than a decade, it’s time to call it quits.

And no matter how hard one tries to deny it, going on separate ways with the once love of your love is and will always be difficult. There will be hurt, trauma, and good memories that are just too hard to let go of.

But if you feel like you’re ready to move on from your past and write a new love story, then we have some tips for you to consider before going back into the dating world.


To mask the hurt and to show the world how strong we are, we often go back into the dating pool as soon as we can. Single and ready to mingle, right? But no, relax and take your time. We are not saying you should just wait but take the time to reconnect with yourself, take the time to discern, and most importantly, take the time to heal. Understand that should you decide to enter a new relationship, the baggage from your previous one will not do you any good, so better leave it behind.

Also, work on yourself, work on your mind and body. Arrange your activities and be more intentional. You cannot fully move on if you choose not to, and you cannot find someone new if you don’t go out to meet people. Your actions should match your goal.


Sometimes, the pain and trauma from our previous partner are too much for us to handle alone. Yes, we could always talk to our girlfriends but seeing a therapist who can professionally help us pull out of the dark and rediscover ourselves is not a bad idea.

An outside eye, such as a therapist, can help you realize what you want, what you need, and what you are willing to offer and let go in a relationship. And knowing these things are essential in making your new bond work.


Remember that you are looking for a lifetime partner, so instead of just going through the list of the things you want and demand from a man, look beyond his physical attributes and accolades. It’s great to have a standard and all, but maybe you’re seeing into these too much and forgot what you truly desire?

You might be pleasantly surprised that the man who didn’t fit your list is the one who suits your personality and fits your heart the best. Look for a partner with who you’ll celebrate as opposed to compete.


Keep in mind that our children are struggling too with the adjustments in their lives. Protect them at all costs from further distress and confusion. You may be happily dating someone but do not introduce your new man to your kids yet. Not unless you are so sure that he is the one for you. Your kids look up to you, and you as a mother are their role model. They don’t need to see and meet every man you will date after their father. And they don’t need to know what’s happening behind the door.

Help them slowly walk through and accept the changes.

Finding love again in midlife is not impossible, but it is not in any way easier than before. So, take all the time you need and do what needs to be done, and rediscover love like nothing before.


Hear more stories of women who’ve embraced change after 40 and more when you subscribe to the Gurl U R Not Alone podcast!