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Finding Self-Compassion After Trauma

hi there! we are abbie & tonya, best friends in the business of inspiring, motivating and lifting women up


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When you think about trauma, what usually comes into your mind? Is it anger, nightmares, emotional outburst, depression, and anxiety? Well, trauma is far deeper than these things, it goes beyond these responses and symptoms.

According to Integrated Listening Systems, trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, and diminishes their sense of self and ability to feel a full range of emotions, and experiences.

And it does not discriminate, and it is pervasive throughout the world.

It affects everyone, no matter your age, your gender, and your race.

So, when you think about trauma, you have to first recognize before anything else that everyone has experienced some kind of trauma on their own, whether they are small or big. And one small push of the button can trigger anyone into reacting and all these emotional and psychological disorders. That’s why we must always choose kindness.

The Oscars debacle left people talking about Will, Will, and Will, his trauma, and the consequences of his actions, but how about Chris? What has that slapped has done to him emotionally and mentally?

As the one on the other end, how do we deal with trauma and find self-compassion after trauma? Especially if you are a man of color.


Anything can trigger our trauma, from a single word to action and even a person. That’s why it’s essential that we learn to be adults and be mindful enough to remove ourselves from situations and presence that can bring these emotions out.


You don’t have to deal with your trauma alone, you can go to therapy, and your therapist can help you dig deeper and guide you through the most personal and painful experiences of your life. Seeking professional help can make you overcome depression and stop any self-destructive behavior you may have developed.

If you are not comfortable talking to a therapist face to face, you can also opt for an online session where you can do it anonymously.


Remember that you are not alone in this fight. Aside from going to therapy, you can also share your experiences and demons with your family and friends or a community who can relate to you and the same time, give insights and advice.

And you can also do this online.


Men talk less about what’s going on with them mentally and emotionally because society taught them to toughen up, but it does not mean they cannot be vulnerable anymore. What you feel is always valid, ranting and venting about your day are okay, and crying and showing emotions is not a sign of weakness. Give grace and allow yourself to feel and let out all these raw emotions.

And now, as a woman who is somewhat more used to exposing our feelings and dealing with our trauma and issues positively than men, let’s listen patiently and free from judgment and help them have a safe and comfortable space to express their thoughts and emotions.


Hear more stories of women who’ve embraced change after 40 and more when you subscribe to the Gurl U R Not Alone podcast!